My Relationship with Spanish

"You must be polite with yourself when learning something new." - Eat. Pray. Love

This quote could not be more suited for my language learning journey. My, what a journey it has been! I have been studying Spanish since middle school although I didn't take it seriously until I went to Mexico for the first time. I fell in love with the people and there was an urgency in me to be able to communicate with them. I continued studying throughout college, realizing that a bachelors in Spanish would be a great asset to my ESL teaching certificate. I made my first trip across the world when I moved to Alicante, Spain to continue my Spanish studies. I never thought after spending four months in Alicante that I would be able to come back...but here I am, in sweet, Malaga, Spain, still pushing to learn this language that has been such a huge part of my life.

My relationship with Spanish has been kind of a love-hate relationship. We have budded heads quite often over the years. There are times when I feel like it's FINALLY starting click, and then there are times when I just want to crawl under my covers and pretend I didn't open my mouth. We learned in school that one of the key processes to second language acquisition is the "silent period"- a period where a person is mentally processing the language but not verbally communicating. I wouldn't say that I'm in the "silent period" still, but I would say that my fear is still very alive. There is fear in not wanting to make a mistake. There is a fear in putting yourself out there, knowing you probably sound completely ridiculous to the natives. My fear is still there and for the life of me I can't seem to shake it. Teaching English and hanging out with all English speaking friends doesn't completely help my Spanish, either.

I have a great intercambio (language exchange partner) named Juan. He has been great and has really helped support my language learning. Recently I decided that I should find a few more intercambios so that I can practice as much as possible. Tonight I met with an Argentinian guy, who speaks perfect English by the way, at my favorite coffee house. We spoke half in English and half in Spanish for an hour. I was getting frustrated because, although he said I spoke very well, I felt like I sounded like a cave woman. Noticing my frustration, he redirected the conversation to talking about his experience learning English. He began learning French at a very young age and then switched over to study English. He spent time learning English in Denmark and in Ireland. He told me that there always seemed to be a wall with his English learning. He would get to the wall and simply not be able to move any further. He then started telling me about his ex girlfriend, who is American, that he dated for a year. He told me that dating her gave him a reason to be emotionally involved in English. Up until he became connected with the language, English had just been a tool for him and nothing more. What a cool picture! I also feel like there is a wall in front of me with Spanish that I just can't seem to pass. He recommended that I find a Spanish boyfriend to practice with but that's unlikely to happen. However, he suggested that I find a way of becoming emotional with Spanish. What a good point. Now....how do I do that?

Emotion is what drove me to study Spanish in the first place. Wanting to communicate with Latin Americans in the U.S and to be able to reach out to them is what inspired me up to this point. However, it seems like that emotion hasn't gotten me past the wall. Maybe I haven't been motivated enough? From now on that's going to change. I'm going to take his advice and try to become emotionally connected with the language...but honestly, I'm not quite sure how to do it.

Nonetheless, from here on out I am going to strive to be patient with myself and to be "polite," as Elizabeth Gilbert would say. I'll begin setting goals for myself and really seeking those goals out. It has been a long journey, but it's not over yet!

Sort of a random post but I wanted to sort out my thoughts. Thinking of you all!

Besos, Kerianne